Contributed By: Dr. Equbal Wajid (ahmedsi03@marafiq.com.sa)
After the direct battle and assault on the brother-in-law of the Director I was expecting a final exit, or suspension, or a compulsion for asking pardon, but nothing happened. Everybody knew that the Director is a high morale person, who never takes revenge for his own sake. It was a clear message from his side to all, but in fact he took revenge with me in such an invisible way that the damage spoilt my personality all through my life. I still see the damage un-repairable and I feel, unless something delightfully or divinely happens on contrary to it, it will follow me to my grave.
I remember, once Jahangir Malick [a teacher and my friend] told me that the Dr. Syed Hasan has said that he knows the technique to descend somebody mentally to his childhood, but he didn’t do it as if he is not confident whether he can get him back to normal or not?. This is a negative use of psychology which may not be a legal offence but in the words of A. G. Gardiner [1865-1946] it does more to poison the stream of the life than all the crimes of the calendar. I believe that if the Dr. Syed Hasan had ever applied this negative psychology upon any one in his life, he has applied it on me. I am a living victim of his negative psychology.
Just the other day after the direct battle, Dr. Syed Hasan started applying his negative psychology on me. Whenever I came across him after the incident he talked to me as if I am a child. Laughing like a joker, twisting his voice, curling his lips, bending his eyebrows, trilling the words, and doing all which was more than poison to distraught my seriousness and gravity. He treated me in the same manner for years, not considering the audience whoever they may be present at that time, a guardian, a student or a colleague. Whenever he talked to me in this way the people smiled and stared on me in strange as if I am a psychological case. I was just confused, what to do. In this way the ‘Mahatma’ succeeded to take revenge of his brother-in-law and he did swallow my existence. As a result whenever I saw the him I felt nervous, and a current passed through my whole body. I felt my palms and the soles stimulating down out of fear. My voice goes choked as such occasions.
Then he has to ask:
“Equbal Bhai …….your voice is choked why? …………..Is there any problem with you?”
“N……N…….No……..” ………….I stammered.
He said while curling his lips, trilling his voice and moving his head to and fro, just as someone talk to a baby:
“Ye….s …Ye…s .. there is something…….which you are hiding …don’t you? ..”
Then he sometimes says some words in rhythm, twisting his head as if he was singing a lullaby.
“Equbal Bhai……Oh…. Equbal Bhai ..…m…m….m……….m…..m…mm
My dear …..Equbal ….. Bhai…… m…m…m………m….mm………..mmm
How are …. You ….How ….are you…….. m …mm…m …….. …mmm…..…
m…m…mm……mm…mm…….. m…mm my dear Equbal Bhai
Why you….. …angry ??? mm..m…m…….m….mm…..?????” He continued his acting for minutes. I only kept smiling reluctantly.
I noticed that if Dr. Syed Hasan is talking to somebody he is just as normal, but when talks to me he changes his style like a joker. This was his special treatment with me. I was much bored and frustrated by his negative therapy which at that time I don’t understand to be as negative. As a result of this bad psychotherapy I slowly, use to escape my colleagues, I like to spend my time in loneliness, I lose concentration and attention in my conjugal life. Little by little, I became a victim of psychosomatic-disorder. Many times I lose coordination within my body posture and my voice. My confidence chopped down. I failed to face crowd. I failed to face the audience. I used to avoid such occasions where I could be asked to give a speech. Ultimately, my confidence dropped down. I was a complete victim of inferiority complex. If there was any single place for me where I could enjoy my self-image it was my class room. Whenever I stand in my class I felt happy, as I come out of it I was a misbalanced man. Unfortunately for more than years I failed to understand his negative psychology. Luckily I became conscience of it after years when my gravity and my own personality was completely destroyed and I became a captive of his negative psychology.
In those days of sufferings I discussed this matter many times with Jahangir Bhai and Nayeem Bhai [ teachers and my friends], they also felt that there is something wrong in the Director’s attitude but they also fail to know the reality. Once I discussed the matter with my friend Dr. Mohammad Rizwanul Haque Nadvi, Lecturer in Urdu, Marwari College Kishanganj, he advised me:
“Why not you also twist your face, bend your eyebrows and change your voice in the same way he does it to you?”
I was motivated and prepared to behave with the Director in the same way he behaved me. The same evening when I came across him, he looked at me and started his work, I reacted in the same way. I twisted my mouth on him while bending my eyebrow and changing my voice in the same manner and said:
“Why do you treat me in this way? ……….Why you always talk to me while bending your mouth ……….and ………..trilling the words?. Is this the correct way to talk to an educated person?”
He was astonished to hear my words, he smiled in shame and said nothing. The other day he never treated me in the same manner, but he came up on me in a rather changed way, now, instead of doing like a joker he acted as a villain. Getting out his eyeballs, blazing it one me and dominating on me with his loud voice. Once he was angry on me for some reasons that I forgot right now , he saw me at the gate, he rushed at me as if he will beat me, creeping on his toes with full blazing eyeballs he said something which I forgot. I answered :
“Don’t talk to me with your blazing eyes. ………..Have you your books in your shelves? ………….Don’t you?.......... Do remember I am ………out …… of…… them.”
The rare negative psychology which the Director applied to distort my personality worked successfully and it changed my personality traits. I became addicted of humiliation, condemnation, insult, and teasing. I escaped from prestige, admiration, praise, love, and enchantment . I liked to live in rather a low profile. Being a successful victim of his long term negative psychology, I lost my personal guts and bravery. I escape from leadership. I cannot promptly take work form my subordinates. I like to work as a follower not as a leader. While being with laborers I could lose my guts. I will talk to them like friends. I always enjoy being with my juniors. I enjoy with children more than the adults. Even at the age of 54 I will talk to a 16 like a friend, not maintaining the code of behaviors. I always feel uneasiness in being with seniors. I fail to control people. I lost self confidence.
More from the impact of the negative psychotherapy which the director applied on me, is that he let me feel confused about own. The same thing he tried to pour in the mind of the others. So many of them were confused about me or they felt that I was a stupid or a person to whom Dr. Syed Hasan treat like a stupid. The Director increased my fear. He accelerated my tolerance level to a humiliating stage and that it was surely too negative for a balanced personality. Due to the impact of his negative psychotherapy, I liked to adjust with low standard and illiterate people. The circumstances in which I have spent my Post-Insan College
No legal system could attempt to legislate Dr. Syed Hasan for the application of his negative psychotherapy on me, or could recognize this negative psychology as a legally punishable offence. But the moral and intellectual damage which I received from his negative psychology harmed me more than a physical assault and battery. I suggest to him that he could have a more subtle and effective revenge with me for the physical assault on his brother-in law if he could have suspended me from my duty for a certain period, cut some money from my salary or have compelled me to ask for pardon, rather than applying a negative psychology on me through-out my stay in his institution. Had I not been attached with TABLEEGH JAMAT [ a religious group] I could have failed to find out the damages of my personality which appeared out of the negative psychology.
I believe to say that the use of a rare, harmful and negative-psychology on me by Dr. Syed Hasan did more to poison the stream of my life than all the crimes of the calendar. (to be continued)
